I am new to the polyamory world however it so far feels the most comfortable I have ever felt in relationships. We as a society are conditioned to be monogamous and that we are to choose either one or the other when we are caught in a situation where we love two people. YES...it is possible to love two people. I learned that this past year after realizing that choosing one or the other was not working for me. When you are raised that one person is suppose to fulfill your every need and that if you love two people then you can't love them both completely because you are bound to take love away from one to give to the other then confusion kicks in as to who is the "right" partner for you. Here is what I have learned this past year 2012:
I am in love with two people a male and a female for different reasons. Both of them combined make me feel complete as a person and I couldn't see my life without either one of them. So here is the story of how I came to be apart of this new world.
I met my husband back in college and lived my life according to how society wanted us to. You know you meet, get married then have children. We did just that. After the birth of our son, I was not in a happy marriage by all means and not so much because of him but mostly because of me. I had lost my job in '09 and got pregnant soon after since it was prime time. But after awhile being a stay at home mom was just not cutting it anymore as I am a very active person in that I have to be out there in the world doing something, making a difference. Being at home you become bored quite easily and I was introduced to something that would help my time go by and that was a virtual game like second life however that is not the purpose of the game since lots of kids are on it. I was on there for the sole purpose of doing the mini games and collecting money and items. However, life is very unpredictable and you just never know who will meet and how.
I met my girlfriend in this online world and I have to say that it was love at first sight. I have to say love and not lust as we are avatars and I never knew what she looked like in person or that she was even a girl for that matter. She was a boy avatar and of course I was by no means a lesbian. She entered a room as this guy avatar and stole my breath away literally, I knew the moment I met her that I wanted to be with her on that game as people did date and get married etc. We started to hang out on the game never knowing who we were in real life we were playing characters on the game. She never knew my age, name or that I was married and I never knew the same about her or that she was a SHE. This was just a game and she made that very clear as I was clear as well since I was married with a child and I just played out of boredom. The difference was that what I felt for her was different then what I ever experienced. I fell head over heels in love with her. After about 2 months of learning about our personalities without knowing our real personal lives did I learn that he was a she. We decided to not further our relationship as a married couple since she was a girl and we were not gay. This was just a game. But after about a week, I couldn't help but just long for her and want to be with her on the game. I knew it could never happen in real life but why couldn't I have this fantasy life with real love on this game, hiding in the game was so much easier. After several months of being a married straight couple (her as a guy - me as a girl) on the game did we start to realize that we really did love each other. These "fake" feelings that we had toward each other because we were married were absolutely real and since we were both married to men in real life we just didn't know how to interpret this.
Fast forward to 2012 since that all happened in 2011. We met in person in Jan of 2012 and we left our husbands and I moved across states twice with my child to be with her. After being together in real life, we knew that loving each other was the best thing that had happened to us however I still loved my husband and could not fully let him go. So after she divorced, the question of when will I arose and my body froze. How could I divorce him, he is my best friend, he is the father of my child, we have been together for a decade and it was supposed to be us against the world. Things changed so rapidly since I was unable to conceive of divorce I needed to go and work on my marriage. This was devastating as we knew we wanted to be together but I just could not think of leaving my husband completely...I love him. Now I was caught in the crossfires of who did I want to be with my best friend or my fantasy lover. It would cross my mind that maybe I can be with both but never in a million years did I ever think that they would both be ok with it. She actually brought it up to me that she loved me so much she was willing to date my husband. Of course, at first its all jokes and laughs but then it was brought up to him seeing if he was ok with me being with her while being with him. To my astonishment, he was not upset at all just as long as he could be with her too.
That is how I fell into the polyamory world. This to me isn't about dating multiple people and having sex with random people however others view this lifestyle. This for me is truly about love and that we can love more than one person completely and wholeheartedly with our mind, body and soul. Just as a parent can love all their children without taking love away from one for another.
Polyamory means to love more than one, in the end that is what it's all about. There is three in this relationship and we know that we want to be a family just as my husband and I were and just like her and I were, just that it is all three. I have to say that so far this is the happiest I have been as far as my intimate relationships go.
I will keep you all posted on how we continue to grow as a couple. I just felt the need to put my story out there for those who feel that they are the only ones caught between two loves as I know the feeling.
Much love.....continue to spread the love.
